Weighing In

My last weigh-in  was way back in March.  Well, the end of March.  Since then I have lost 3.2 pounds.  Yes, it took me the whole month of April to lose that, but you know what?  I'm counting it as a victory that I didn't gain back all the weight I had lost, considering the amount of emotional eating in which I indulged.

I ate pizza, donuts, cheesecake, potato chips, and nachos.  I drank wine and margaritas many nights.  I exercised and practiced yoga zero minutes (That's a slight exaggeration, but you know what I'm saying).  In between those little binges, though, I continued to eat low carb foods.  Finding out that I don't have to become completely derailed by occasional binges is encouraging.

I'm down to 231.8 pounds, and I'm hoping now that things have settled down somewhat I can get back to losing a pound or two a week again.  Maybe next week I'll see the 220's again.  I never thought I'd be happy to say that!  Sigh.  Well, I am happy to say it.

Living

I'm grateful for:

• breathing.
• dancing. 
• singing. 
• hugging the people I love.
• being able to tell a friend I love him and say goodbye face to face.

I'm Alive!

The month of April was emotionally intense and stressful.  Two friends died. Our dog needed two surgeries. My son needed dental work, and between the surgery and dental bills my husband and I were struggling a bit to figure out how to pay for it all without sinking into credit card debt.

The friend I mentioned the last time I wrote died a week and two days after I wrote.  I did get a chance to see him again before he passed away. He had a huge sendoff celebration starting with a motorcycle ride through town with a bunch of other bikers.  His daughter arranged for someone with a sidecar to ride with him, as it was his dying wish to ride one more time.

After the ride he gathered with friends and family at one of his favorite karaoke spots for one last night of singing and for a chance to say goodbye to those he loves.  My husband and I were there, sitting with his family.  It was,..emotional.  He sang Live Like You Were Dying, and I came undone.   After he died that song played over and over in my head.  It was there all night while I was trying to sleep, and in the morning it was still there, as insistent as it had been the previous day.  It occurred to me that perhaps this was a personal message from Jeff to me; to live like I was dying.

I spent the month of April trying to numb myself, as I do when I feel overwhelmed with stress or emotion, and the message I am taking away from Jeff's death is to plug-in, feel my emotions, and face the situations that cause me to shrink away with courage.  The message for me is to live.

Eclipses and Letting Go

I just got home after visiting with a friend of mine who is dying.  He's young.  My age exactly, give or take a day or two.  It's very sad. I'm glad I had the chance to talk to him before he passes.  I told him to text me or call if he needs anything, and I asked his kids and his sister to do the same.  I hope he will live long enough to need something and send me a text.

Tonight there will be a full lunar eclipse.  Visiting my friend on the day of the lunar eclipse seems meaningful to me, although I'm not sure in what way.  Maybe I'm just feeling extra sensitive and I'm grasping for signs and meaning in something that makes no sense to me at all.

The Lion King

I'm up .6 pounds this week.  That's probably because of the pizza I ate last night along with last weekends indulgences.  Doh!  I knew better, but I gave into temptation.  The pizza left me bloated just as I was getting dressed to go see The Lion King with my family.  I was still able to zip up those pants I found in my drawer, but they were quite a bit tighter, and I was kicking myself.

The show was wonderful!  It was a thrill to experience a big show like that through my kids' eyes.  They loved it too, and were exhilarated afterwards, chatting on the way home about their favorite parts of the show.  The costumes were amazing.  Hands down, they stole the show.

Now today it's back to real life; a house to clean, groceries to buy, and once again, outlawing pizza from my diet.

Shopping in my Closet

I'm having a busy and stressful week with lots needing to get done and a few concerns as well.

Our dog needs to have surgery.  She has infected teeth and gums, which is apparently not uncommon with smooshed-faced breeds, and she has a tumor on her leg.  I feel bad for her and worried, and of course, there is also the huge expense that comes with pet surgery.  I have worried kids too.  This comes at a time when we have several home-improvement projects and repairs needing to be done, and worrying about how to pay for everything is stressful.

There is good stuff too.  We're going to see The Lion King in a few days.  It's the first big show we've taken our kids too, so I'm really excited to see how they enjoy it, and it's a show I've been wanting to see too.  Realizing my daughters had nothing to wear to the theater, we made a day of shopping for outfits.  That was more stressful than enjoyable, but I think everyone got something they were happy with.

I didn't get myself anything to wear because I was worn out, so I figured I'd plan a day to shop by myself.  I put it off all weekend, and today I sit having the heaviest day of my period, really not wanting to go shop for clothes, knowing I need to do it. 

With the tiniest bit of hope in my heart, I went to see if I had anything in my dresser, and I found a brand new pair of black slacks.  The tag was still on them and everything!  I don't know why I never wore them, but when I looked at the size I saw they were two sizes smaller than what I've been wearing. 

I tried them on because what I've been wearing is actually very loose on me lately, and they fit!  Halle-freakin'-lujah!  Then I remembered my favorite blouse, the one that grew too small for me last year, hanging in the closet and I wondered if it would fit.  It did.  I'm so happy.  I don't have to spend money on a new outfit, and I don't have to run all over town trying on clothes.

And a couple pictures from the week so far:

We went to the park yesterday with our homeschool group, and the place was full of fragrant blossoms.

,...and the outfit that made me so happy this morning.

Felicidad

My weekly weigh-in was yesterday, and I weighed 235.0 pounds.  That is a loss of 1.6 pounds for the week.  It seems every week I reflect on what kept me from losing more weight.  Last week it was my daughter's birthday and Thai food.  This week it was dinner at the Mexican restaurant, but the thing is, my weight is still going down despite the fact that I am out there living life, getting pleasure from the food I eat, and enjoying occasional treats.  That's a huge win in my eyes, even if the weight loss is slower than I had hoped when I started.

And this is yesterday's thing of beauty:

I've only had margaritas twice in the last three months, and I loved every sip.