Giving Up,...

On this 2-day cleanse.  I almost gave up last night because I was so hungry, and my head was really hurting, but I hung in there and had a very fitful night sleep.  I had to get up around 6 times to pee.  I did wake up feeling pretty good, though, and that tummy bloat I've had for the last couple of days was gone, not the fat, but the extra bloat, which accounted for a lot of discomfort. 

The problem is, it's dinner time, and facing that bland cabbage soup is making me gag.  I did make some and ate a few bites, but I can't choke any more down.  I decided this has passed the point of being kind to myself, and has become punishment.  I'm going to eat dinner, and start the day with a healthy breakfast tomorrow, and try to continue being kind by avoiding junk and eating well. 

I hope my day and a half cleanse benefited my body at least a little.

Two Days, and I'm Not Excited About This.

I'm trying this 2 day cleanse just to see what happens.  I'm on day one.  I've had breakfast and lunch, and all I can tell you so far is I do not find quinoa with prunes at all appetizing or enjoyable.

I should be able to do this for two days.  Right? 

Update:  I've made it through one day of the cleanse, and I'm sitting here drinking some dandelion root tea before bed.  I am hungry, and I can't even look forward to eating tomorrow because the thought of that cabbage soup and quinoa with prunes is making me gag.  I'm craving fat and salt like crazy.  A small bowl of cottage cheese sounds like heaven to me right now. 

Oh well, it will be especially nice to get back to eating normally again.  It's only two days.

A Food Day in Pictures

I'm going to snap a picture of everything I eat today.  This won't be a daily thing, but for today it's a guarantee I'll keep it light.  There is no way I would have taken pictures of my food yesterday.  I'll confess here, though.  A cup of coffee with half and half and stevia powder, a bowl of boxed macaroni and cheese, and way too many slices of pizza.  (If I had been snapping pictures every time I grabbed a slice, I know I wouldn't have eaten until bursting, and I know I wouldn't have opted for more as a snack before bed, which resulted in me having a horrible night.)

I'll upload pics tonight,...

I start my day every day with a cup of coffee with half and half and 1/4 tsp. of stevia powder.

I made my breakfast smoothie.  This is the good stuff that goes inside.

 For lunch I ate a grilled cheese sandwich (Colby-Jack and Provolone cheeses inside) on whole wheat with a half of a dill pickle.

My water bottle with a squeeze of fresh lemon...

 

For dinner we had Potato Kielbasa Skillet.  I didn't eat everything on my plate.  I was proud of myself for noticing when I was full and taking my plate away, even though it tasted SO good.

I pulled out my juicer for the first time in a couple of weeks and made some fresh green juice for myself and my husband.

And because I got the munchies in the evening, I had some chips and salsa.  I could have opted for guiltier pleasures, but since my dinner was pretty heavy I passed on the ice cream, and hey, at least it isn't a couple of slices of pizza.

Breakfast!

Juice of cabbage, spinach, parsley, lemon and apple with quinoa, yogurt, and berries.

Dinner!

Tilapia in garlic butter sauce and roasted broccoli with parmesan.

Today is day seven of the 7-Day Juice Challenge that I started (a couple of weeks after everyone else) after seeing it posted at the Food Matters website.  I wish I could say I feel so good that I'm a juicing convert.  I wish I could say I feel just a tiny bit better, but I don't.

I don't think that means juicing isn't a good start for me in my quest for health and more energy.  It could mean:

1. I have underlying issues that will take more time for the nutrients via juicing to address.
2. I have underlying issues that the juicing will never address, and I need to explore other options.
3. No amount of healthy juice will make me feel better as long as I continue to subsist on a steady diet of boxed mac and cheese, instant mashed potatoes, ramen noodles, and pizza.

Number 3 seems like the common sense answer, huh?

Since I've made myself a recluse, my whole family has been eating a lot of garbage.  My husband texts me everyday and asks if I need him to pick anything up from the store on his way home, and my answer is usually, "Dinner," and since he knows I usually mean something I don't have to cook,  dinner is usually something processed and convenient.  He also brings home stuff that will "fill the hole" for the other meals of the day; bread, canned soups, chips, and stuff like that.  He does bring home a few whole food staples too, and they would be happily consumed by all if I would actually cook something. 

This makes me feel really guilty.  It is just one way my depression is affecting the health of my whole family.  So, I think the next very important change I need to make is to get back to the chore of making a weekly menu and doing the weekly grocery shopping.

It's something I used to do routinely, but right now it takes tremendous energy and seems very overwhelming.  There is a lot involved in getting to the grocery store that I have been avoiding for several months, things like wearing a bra, brushing my hair, finding clothes to wear that won't be featured on the newest post at the People of Walmart website, and being seen by other people.

It is going to require a serious commitment and some discipline.  I'm going to hate it, but I think as the weeks go by it will make a huge difference.

I almost didn't drink my juice today.  I did four days, and then today I almost blew it off, like I almost always do with brand new goals, like I've been afraid I would do again this time.  Then my son started a conversation with his dad and me by saying, "What would you guys think if I quit college and got a job?"  The conversation included a lot of talk about setting goals, following through, establishing routines, discipline, and yeah, I felt like a big fat hypocrite. 

After our talk I got off my butt and made some juice.

I am taking action.  For a long time I talked about doing something, thought about it, and wrote about it, but now I'm doing something.  It's a small something and it doesn't feel like it's making a difference yet, but that is my problem.

I  very quickly become impatient with myself.

"I walked 2 miles two days in a row!  Why am I not thin yet?!"

That's why I give up.  Impatience.  I'm going to try to be more patient with myself and the process this time.  I've done it before.  I kept telling myself, "You can't fail if you don't give up." 

The first small change I'm making is daily juicing.  I always thought juicing was too radical, something for health kooks, but after watching Hungry for Change, (available on Netflix right now) I became inspired to add one glass of green juice a day to my diet. 

Typical daily green juice: spinach, kale, cabbage, pineapple, lemon, ginger

So far I'm not noticing any benefits.  But then, it's only day four.  Silly me, I was actually tempted to declare the practice useless.  I'll stick with it, though.

I wish it worked like magic, though.  I wish I suddenly felt energetic and no longer craved pizza and burritos. Oh, well.  I'm not giving up.