Self Acceptance

I saw this today, and it really just says so much.  I've been trying to explain to a couple of people how loving myself could lead me to leave some people behind.  I've been trying to remain kind to the people I've left behind and not criticize or judge them.  I've been saying it's about how I respond to that person more than it is about how that person behaves.

All of that is true, and not exactly true.  Yes, it is also about the bad behavior of the person or people I have left behind, but my response to it is the more important aspect, I suppose.

I missed taking a picture yesterday, and I'm cheating today by sharing a picture I saw on the internet.  I'll look for something beautiful again in my world tomorrow.  Today I was cleaning toilets.

A Calm and Joy Filled Life

Just a quick update...

I didn't lose any weight last week, but I started my period and that always does weird things to my weight, so I'm not discouraged by it.

I had a stressful week.  Drama.  I'm pretty much over it now.

I've been on a thrilling journey of self-discovery over the last two weeks, no details because I'm still figuring it out, but here are two internet discoveries that will at least give you a hint:

An article: Why Self-improvement Makes You Neurotic.  I'm going to read more of what this woman has to say.

And these delightful little stories, which I find more effective than simple affirmations:  Queen of Your Own Life

There are so many that are resonating with me right now, but this is the one I'm owning this week.  I'm promising myself to trust my instincts from now on.

Ya Done Good

I've decided that Monday will be my official weigh-in day.  I thought about changing my weigh-ins to before the weekend, because I always seem to undo a little of my work over the weekend, and this weekend is no exception, but, if this is going to work, I have to figure out how to live life with it's ups and downs and still eat happily. 

Anyway, today I weigh 249.6 which is 1.8 pounds less than last Monday.  My waist is 40 inches now, which is a full inch less than last week.  I'm disappointed with this result, and it occurs to me that this is crazy.  For months I've been gaining weight and getting bigger until I decided to love and accept myself exactly as I am.  Then the weight starts coming off and immediately I'm back to telling myself it's not good enough?  Crazy! 

This is my official reminder that being disappointed in myself for not doing a better job is no different from hating myself for gaining the weight in the first place.  I am lovely and loveable  exactly as I am.  I was lovely and loveable two weeks ago, and I will continue to be lovely and loveable no matter what I weigh. 

1.8 pounds in a week is actually a nice loss, especially considering the fact that it was not hard.  I am not starving myself.  I'm not denying myself any of the foods I love.  Okay, we did go to our favorite Mexican restaurant, and I did deny myself a margarita and had water instead, but I was proud of myself for making that choice, and after the meal was over, I didn't miss the margarita.

Ya done good Hasselhoff.  Ya done good.

Easy or Not?

I did some morning sun salutes today to get the ball rolling on some physical activity again.  I love myself, and I'm learning to accept my appearance as lovely, but I do not like the way I feel physically.  I do not like the way I have trouble sleeping most nights.  I do not like waking up feeling stiff and sore.  I do not like the way I lose my breath just from showering and getting dressed quickly.

There is just no way around it.  I cannot be healthy and physically fit if I sit on my butt all day.

I did a Google search looking for affirmations that would help me enjoy exercise and found some nice ones at DrStandley.com, but I also realized why I resist the whole affirmation thing.  I read things like this: 

Remember to write or say any of the below listed affirmations at least 40X daily for 40 days. It takes 40 days to impress upon the unconscious "reacting" mind all that you desire and dream.

And this:

If you get side-tracked and miss a day then go back to Day 1 and start over.

And POOF!  Away goes that belief I've been embracing that changing a thought or pattern is, "easy."

Anyway, I'm going to forget I read that whole "40 times a day for 40 days," and "if you miss a day go back to day one," bullshit and keep saying to myself that I choose to believe changing a thought or a pattern is easy, and I'm going to work on adding a few nice things about exercise to my inner dialogue too. 

Maybe it does take 40 days of constantly saying something to turn it into an actual belief, but if that's the case, I'm not going to put myself through it.  I'm not going to give myself another reason to feel like a failure and like I can't follow through on something.  The TRUTH is, I have completed and followed through on many things.  There are times I have changed a thought or a pattern easily.  Or maybe it wasn't easy so much as something I was so invested in that the work didn't seem like a burden. 

It's time to be passionately invested in myself.

(That felt selfish and wrong to say.  I'll work on rewiring that thought too.)




 

Revisiting Affirmations

I like the idea of using affirmations to change thoughts and patterns that don't serve me well, and I've written and gathered several, but I've never had much success with them.  Last week in the comment section of my Goodbye September post, Eowyn suggested trying them again and provided a great one that she has used in the past.  "The truth is, I am fine exactly as I am."  I have muttered it under my breath to counter some of the critical thoughts I've had about myself in the last few days, and it does help.

Today I stumbled across an article about using affirmations.  Included in the article was an affirmation that resonated with me.

Maybe one of the reasons I find changing my habits and making better choices so difficult is that I have been telling myself over and over that it's difficult.  You hear it everywhere, "Change is hard," "Nobody likes change."  Before embarking on a new fitness program or diet we're often warned that, "Change takes hard work," but what would happen if I chose to believe that change is easy?

The difference I feel in my body is significant.  Normally when I think of trying something new to improve my life I immediately feel a burden, like I'm steeling myself for the hard work to come, but after saying, "I choose to believe that it is easy to change a thought or a pattern," I feel lighter and a sense of anticipation. 

I'm going to insert this thought into my inner dialogue starting now.  I'm excited to see how the changes I make will impact my life.