Plan B

I stumbled through my weekend and abandoned some of my goals.  Well, abandoned is a strong word.  I ignored them.  I'm back on track this week, though, and I added a new goal for my daily routine.

I remember what a difference taking B vitamins has been for me before, so I decided to start taking them again, along with a couple of others that I have in my cupboard but stopped taking, mostly because I never remember.  I stopped taking the B vitamins because the taste makes me gag a little, but I decided a moment of *gag* is worth the positive effect they have on my mood which could use a little help right now.

Having my phone send me reminders and encouragement via the Lift app is helpful too!

Finding The Track and Getting Back

It's time for me to wake up and become a major player in my life again.  I've been disengaged the last couple of months, but I'm ready to stop thinking about the things I could do to feel happier, healthier, and more present and start doing them.  I had a wake-up call regarding my health recently.  I'm fine, I think, still probably need a trip to the doctor, but a wake up call was needed, and I'm working proactively to live as well as I can.

I installed an app on my phone called, "Lift," to help me track my goals.  I've only started with a few, aiming to get a daily yoga practice happening five days a week, fifteen minutes of tackling problem areas in my house each day, and clean eating five days a week.  Oh!  And I added a goal to actually check in with my calendar and to do list each morning.

I did my yoga this morning, and I'll admit that the main reason I did it was so I could check it off in the app -- it would be a shame to fail on the first day --

but I did it.

The Trees

I've mentioned the pendants I started making a couple of times now, and I thought I'd post a picture of a couple of them, but first there's an interesting story about those pendants.

For a couple of weeks I was seeing trees everywhere.  I don't mean real trees outside.  Of course, I always see those, but I was seeing the imagery of trees in articles I was reading, shows I was watching, tattoos.  Everywhere, every day.  I was beginning to wonder if it was a sign from the Universe or if there was some message I was supposed to be getting from the trees.

I thought maybe it had to do with pruning and new growth because I had been experiencing some of that in my life, and then after seeing a Celtic tree of life symbol as a tattoo I Googled, "tree of life," and I found beautiful jewelry that I wanted to wear with trees on it, and then, because I make jewelry, I thought instead it would be more meaningful if I made myself a tree of life pendant, and that's how I started making them. 

When I shared pictures on Facebook of the pendants I was making, people started asking to buy them, and then I stopped making them, which is weird, but I think it was as Magic Mentha mentioned, a difficulty with receiving that made me stop making the pendants when others expressed a desire to pay for them.

There is another layer to the whole "tree" thing, and another possible message from the Universe or my psyche, and that is that I should begin working on a novel I started last year.  I only wrote a few chapters, but when I looked at the very last sentence I had written I couldn't help wondering if the trees were telling me that I needed to tell this story.  The last sentence I wrote was, "Kali scratched her head while working on her History test and suddenly remembered the strange vibrating tree in the middle of the woods."

The trees.  They are giving me something, and I'm still not sure if I'm imagining it or it's a true sign, but it doesn't really matter, does it?  Anyway, here are the pictures I promised:

The pendant on the right is actually larger than the one on the left.  Here is a picture of them together so you can see their actual size:

When Are You Going to Stop?

When? 2014.  Now.  "Tired," doesn't even begin to describe how I've felt this past year.

"When are you going to stop taking your cues from others about what you should be and do in life? When are you going to stop denying your authentic self to satisfy the expectations and scripts others have put on you? When are you going to start listening to that voice inside you? When are you going to start trusting your own internal guidance system? When is the violation of your true self going to be a bigger violation than displeasing others? When are you going to stop playing the futile game of measuring up? When are you going to accept that simply being you is enough? When are you going to see that your worth and value is an intrinsic, unchanging and irrefutable fact, and not a tenuous and questionable proposition that you have to fight for every day?

Aren't you tired yet?"

- Jim Palmer, Notes from (Over) the Edge

Read this passage again, and see which sentences stir something in your gut.  This one did it for me:

  
"When is the violation of your true self going to be a bigger violation than displeasing others?"

I've been thinking about conducting a little experiment.  I have this version of my perfect life in my head, but it's a cloudy and vague version.  That could be because I have many versions of the perfect life, a lot of ways I could be content, or it could be because I've never really solidified my vision.  I wonder what it would be like to live an ordinary day in my perfect life. 

I wonder if I could wake up tomorrow and go about my daily routine (which is currently non-existent) as if I were living my perfect life.  I already know one thing that would make it difficult for me to do.  In my perfect life I sleep well, and I definitely get out of bed earlier that 1:00 pm, which is the time I got up today.  Still, maybe if I make a plan and then try it out for a day I could see if I would even enjoy living this perfect life I think I want.

An ordinary day in my perfect life:

• 7:00 am - Get up, wash my face, moisturize, get dressed, etc.
• 7:15 am - Do Yoga Sun Salutations (outside if the weather is as gorgeous as it is right now)
• 8:00 am - Coffee on the deck (again, weather permitting...trying to break the sit-in-front-of-the-computer-upon-waking habit)
• 8:20 am - Make a  breakfast smoothie
• 8:30 am - Putter in my garden (I actually do have some neglected gardening to do and the weather is perfect right now.)
• 9:30 am - Work on my current novel (In my perfect life, I would already have a published novel or two out there in the world.  In fact, I do have a couple in the works that I'd love to finish.)

Around noon I would make a yummy lunch and sit down with my kids or maybe I would meet my mom for lunch somewhere.  I'd start dinner in the afternoon, make time to tidy up the house, have dinner with my family in the evening.  Later in the evening the kids would be off with their friends, doing their own thing and my husband and I might sit down together, watch a movie or maybe we'd have a few friends over to play Texas Hold 'Em or Rock Band.

I have other versions of this that include working in my glass studio...rehearsing with my band,sitting on the deck and writing a new song on my guitar or heading off to play rehearsal where I have the female lead.   Those are dreams I gave up on already, though, but I can still tinker with my glass and play my guitar for fun anytime I like. I could audition for a part in a play at the community theater downtown. 

What a lovely life I could have if I just let myself do it.    I think tomorrow I'll get up and at least try out that morning routine up there.  My body may have different plans at 7:00 in the morning, but it would be fun to give it a try, and I do have some gardening to do...

I almost didn't drink my juice today.  I did four days, and then today I almost blew it off, like I almost always do with brand new goals, like I've been afraid I would do again this time.  Then my son started a conversation with his dad and me by saying, "What would you guys think if I quit college and got a job?"  The conversation included a lot of talk about setting goals, following through, establishing routines, discipline, and yeah, I felt like a big fat hypocrite. 

After our talk I got off my butt and made some juice.