A Very Long Response

This was a reply to a comment to my last post from MM, but it got to be so long that I just decided to make a post out of it...

Thanks MM.  It is always a relief when someone really gets what I'm experiencing.   I am looking for a DO, and fortunately, our insurance does also cover naturopaths.  Our family doctor is really good in that he doesn't make me feel anxious, and he does understand that a lot of my health issues are anxiety related.  I understand that too, which is really half the battle, but sometimes I am asking myself, what is causing me to be so anxious?

I think there are often real physical things going on that create that brain chemistry and hormone soup.  That's what I'm trying to get to the bottom of, and my doctor tends to pat my hand and say, "Just take an antidepressant; it's easier than trying to do the hard work of changing your lifestyle and diet when you're already depressed."  He also doesn't have the time to sort it all out with me. 

That's okay.  I've become a pretty amazing doctor of my own self.  I've also appreciated my doctor for recognizing that.  I usually go in and tell him what my problem is and what I want his help with and he'll do it.  For some reason, though.  I am really nervous about taking that step.  I think I've figured out the whys of that also.

Last time I saw my doctor it lead to a very scary series of events.  The possibility of cancer existed, and I was facing a procedure under anesthesia, which is something I've never done and terrifies me.  I managed to dodge that bullet because things worked themselves out before the date of the hysteroscomy arrived. I had developed a very thick lining in my uterus - over an inch thick!  I attribute that development to my dermatologist who insisted a shot of cortisone would make me so happy and change my life.  That shot did clear up my severe eczema very nicely, but I started bleeding a couple of weeks after that and didn't stop for a month. 

I went into a deep depression and period of severe anxiety after that.  I took both an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication.  My sleep became so disturbed and messed up even with the drugs or maybe because of them. 

I came out of all of that feeling fine and well, but I haven't seen a doctor since.  Which leaves me where I am now: experiencing uncharactaristic indigestion and bloating over the last year, which I think is probably a perimenopausal symptom.  I should see a doctor to rule out other things, which would relieve a lot of the anxiety I have about it all.  A really good doctor might even be able to help me balance the hormones which I suspect are creating the extra anxiety and related symptoms.

I'm still sitting on all of that. For now.

Not So Comfy in My Skin

I've had eczema all my life.  Eczema is sort of a catch all term for crappy skin.  Anyway, sometimes it goes away.  Sometimes it's hella bad.  A couple of months ago I noticed the rashes seemed to be spreading and occurring with greater frequency, but after I started drinking my berry/spinach smoothies with kefir and chia seeds it seemed that the rashes on my arms were clearing up some.  I don't know if the smoothies deserve the credit, but it was enough to encourage me to keep drinking them.

Starting a few days ago, though, the rash on my arms came back with a vengeance.  I was disappointed because I thought the smoothies were helping, but apparently something else was going on.  Then Wednesday night I was so severely itchy that not even a dose of Benedryl could knock me out and make the itch go away.  I became convinced that my sheets were evil and I wanted to rip them off the bed, but I didn't because that would have disturbed my sweet sleeping hubby.

My husband bought new sheets in the beginning of the week, and although we washed them I thought maybe they needed more washing.  Yesterday morning I stripped the bed and checked the tag on the sheets.  Mystery solved!  They are 47% polyester.  Polyester is not such a great thing on my bare skin.  My husband went out and got 100% cotton sheets yesterday, and I slept much better last night. Now I'm looking at my clothes and see that so many of my t-shirts are cotton-poly blends.  No wonder I itch all the time. I'm not sure what to do about it because I can't go out and buy a whole new wardrobe, but at least I don't have to sleep in polyester anymore.

Anyway, I'm hoping that eating better, exercising, drinking more water and reducing stress will not only help me lose weight and relieve my depression but will also have a positive impact on my skin. 

Speaking of eating, today is grocery shopping day.  My menu for the week:

• Bacon Cheeseburgers, Curly fries, and Caesar Salad (a Father's Day request)
• Potato Kielbasa Skillet
• Farmhouse Beef and Bacon Stew
• Chicken Tacos
• Chicken Tortilla Soup (using leftover shredded chicken taco filling)

Ugh.  Another night has passed with no sleeping.  I fell asleep somewhere around 5:00 this morning.  Even then I didn't sleep well.  Maybe this will tell you what kind of sleeper I am.  I need to go out and buy new sheets because I have rubbed two holes in them; one where my foot digs in and one where my elbow digs in when I roll over, which is probably a hundred times a night.

I did a sleep study once.  I didn't sleep.  I told the doctor I wouldn't sleep because I know I never sleep the first night in a new place.  Anyway, in the morning, I learned from the technician in charge of me for the evening that the staff made fun of me all night.  She had to make a note on my chart every time I moved, and I guess she didn't get much time to rest during the evening either.

Sleeping pills do not work for me.  I've tried every kind, prescription, over the counter, natural remedies, you name it.  There was one thing my doctor prescribed that worked really well until all of a sudden it started causing me to have upsetting jerky muscle spasms.

Wine works. I'm trying not to drink wine so much though because it also helps make me fat.  Besides, when I drink wine every night I need to drink more and more to actually sleep.  I wake up hating myself.  Wine is not a good sleep medication.

You might think that after enough nights of not sleeping eventually I will start sleeping again if I just keep getting up at my regular time.  Not necessarily.  I went through a period of not sleeping once, and I made myself get up every morning and not take naps.  I was sure that my body would get into a rhythm, and I would sleep again at night.  It didn't happen, and my mental health deteriorated badly.  I had, what I guess would be called in the old days, a nervous breakdown.  I ended up on anti-anxiety medication and antidepressants, and I started seeing a therapist.  I've learned that when I go through a period of insomnia, I need to catch sleep whenever I can, even if it is in the middle of the day.

My skin is also broken out right now.  I've had eczema my whole life, been to countless doctors, tried countless therapies, both medical and natural, and I've never found a cure for myself.  I've had long stretches where its gone into remission, and I've had extremely bad flares.  Right now it's just annoying.

I'm not complaining or whining, just documenting what I'm experiencing right now because these are a couple of health issues that have plagued me through the years and contribute to my depression. I'm wondering if healthy living would create a spontaneous healing of these issues. I hope to find out.