Spring Brings,...

It's pouring today, and right now we've got hail too.  I really dislike this weather.  Well, that's not exactly true.  I wouldn't mind it, in fact, sometimes it can create a nice cozy feeling indoors, but we have this kind of weather for weeks and weeks at at time, and it does make me weary.

I sound like a broken record.  I have the same complaint every year.  So many of us in this area talk and complain about the weather, but it doesn't do anything to change it, and it doesn't make enduring it any easier.  Better to look on the bright side.  All this rain creates the lush, green, beautiful landscape around us.  Summer always comes, and those Summer days are glorious.  If I look outside I can see signs that Spring is here, and that means that the seasons haven't stopped marching forward, (pun intended) and I'll get my sunshine soon enough.

Sunny Days Are Here Again

Two views of the sky in my world at two different times of the day and in two different parking lots.

I never take the beauty of Mt. Rainier for granted.  That's because it's hiding behind clouds so much of the time, so when it shows up, I take notice.  The sky has been so gray for so long, as is always the case here in the Pacific Northwest, but we're finally seeing signs of Spring, which will have plenty of gray days.  Still, the sun is appearing more and more and that always improves my mood and energy level.

The days of reading on the deck and manufacturing my own vitamin D instead of taking supplements are coming!

Positive Checklist

Some positive things I've done for my health and happiness lately:

• Cooking and eating more whole foods and less processed junk which has helped me narrow down some sensitivities, especially mono and diglycerides, soy lecithin, and MSG all containing soy.   Because I've been feeling better eating real food I really notice it when one of those things sneak in, like they did during Thanksgiving dinner.
• Walking a few times a week.
• Bought a new mattress in the quest for better sleep.  I think the mattress is better than what we had, but it hasn't eliminated my sore back and waking up feeling very stiff and sore.  That was a disappointment, and I'm not sure if I should keep trying mattresses or accept the fact that, at this weight, I'm always sore and stiff.
• Ordered progesterone and am really hoping it makes a difference.  I'll let you know!
• Started taking vitamin D.  It's that time of year.
• Reaching out to friends a little bit more.
• Counting my blessings a little bit more.
• Giving myself props for positive action, as in this list.
• Making space for healing by filtering out some of the "noise" that has been distracting and irritating me.  More specifically, taking a break from Facebook.  I've been feeling very sensitive this Fall, and I needed to put some filters up to keep from taking in energy that works against me. 
• Getting dressed, including putting on shoes in the morning.
• Saying, "No," when I need to.
• Saying, "Yes," when it is good for me to do so. (Like accepting social invitations and offers of help.)
• Working on kind and compassionate self-talk.

I just needed to remind myself that a lot of positive action is taking place.

What To Do?

So, this weight thing.  I have to somehow harmonize my desire to love myself with my desire to lose weight.  The weight I've gained is causing me physical discomfort, and I think I may have gained even more because in the last couple of weeks my discomfort has grown more intense.

My back hurts when I spend even short amounts of time on my feet, and first thing in the morning I am so sore I can barely walk.  When I do walk I waddle like a woman who is nine months pregnant.  In fact, I weigh much more than I did during my pregnancies, so it's not hard to understand why I would waddle.  Also, perhaps it is middle age, but I am carrying much more weight up front in my abdomen, whereas before I would always gain weight all over.  This adds to the waddle factor.

I am still working on loving and accepting myself as I am right now, but I think it's time to put some effort into loving myself in tangible way.  A little extra work that will make me feel better and contribute to my good health is a way to love myself as long as I don't withhold joy and happiness from myself until I achieve a certain goal.  Before I was approaching the weight thing from a place of self-hatred.  Now I think I'm ready to approach it from a place of love and acceptance.

I don't think I'm going to get on the scale right now because it will upset me, but I am going to take a few measurements so that I can have an objective way to tell if I'm getting smaller or bigger.  Right now all I'm going by is that I'm waddling when I walk for the first time since giving birth to my last child ten years ago.

My first   plan of action is to begin writing a "to-do" list each night.  I've never been very organized, and although I have purchased multiple planners, organizers, notebooks, and systems to try to get organized,  I've never really been good at maintaining any of those.  I will try, once again, to make a small daily "to-do" list, though because I need a little extra direction right now, and I would prefer that direction come from my very own self and not from whatever impulse drives me in the moment because generally my impulses drive me to procrastination.  My challenge will be forgiving myself for not checking everything off of my list and keeping the list small.

I started today and accomplished all of the items on my list:  20 situps, clean out the refrigerator, get my youngest bathed, and make a loaf of French bread for tonight's dinner (tuna melts).  I've written my list for tomorrow, and mentally it is already growing as I think of other things I really should add, but I'm going to keep it as is for now.

Well, my morning routine experiment didn't happen.  I couldn't sleep last night because of both a sick little girl and mind chatter.  Mostly mind chatter.  So, when my alarm went off at 9:00 am, not 7:00 because I decided to be gentle with myself since I have not been up before 11:00 am in a long time, I turned it off and rolled over.

I'm going to have to work myself into an earlier waking time.  I really would like to see what listening to morning bird song and drinking fresh hot coffee on the back deck feels like.

I'm also going to look up how to do sun salutations because, although I can envision myself doing them every morning in my perfect life, I have never actually done them.

I did get some really good ideas for my novel, though, and I got some gardening time in.  For lunch I had a salad made with fresh spinach cut from my very own garden.  That's the first time in my life I've ever done that.

I'm not giving up on the morning routine experiment, just delaying it until I can get a good night's rest.

The sun came out today!  It's been a long time.  Last time we had sun it stuck around for a whole week.  I made a point of getting fifteen minutes or so of sunshine everyday, and I felt so much better.  I promised myself I would go sit on the deck in the sun every day that it shows up, which is not enough for my taste, but I'll take all I can get.

Vitamin D deficiancy has been linked to depression, and I live in a state that is pretty far North of the equator.  That and the fact that if I'm going to get depressed, it almost always happens in the Winter, makes is seem likely that Vitamin D is a factor for me.  So, I put on a tank top and some shorts and went and caught me some rays!