September is usually my favorite month of the year. I can always count on sunshine, crisp and cool mornings, and a feeling of renewed motivation. This September has been a disappointment. It has been gray and rainy, and yesterday was my wedding anniversary, but I spent it sick. I'm still sick, and there is more gloomy weather to come.
I gained weight this Summer instead of losing it. Now what can I expect for the dark days of Fall and Winter? More weight gain?
But see? This is the type of thinking that I'm working to change. Beating myself up for not doing what I should be doing is my norm, and it's not working. Trying to make better choices so that I can be happier is not working. What if I decided to just be happier regardless of the choices I'm making? I wonder if being happier would lead to better choices and not the other way around. I know it would, so I'm going to resist beating myself up and go back to accepting and loving myself, knowing I can be happy right now.
I'm also going to let myself rest and recover from this illness and shake this feeling that the house is falling down around me because I don't have the energy to get it cleaned up. I'm going to spend the next 30 seconds grieving for the loss of my favorite month, (lost because I thought I needed the sunshine to allow myself to be happy in it, not because it was gray) and look forward to the days to come because I'm going to be happy in them no matter what it looks like outside and no matter how tired and achy I feel.
I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteI also generally love the fall, but this fall has been tense. I have spent most of this month sick, too! I am sick right now. Ugh--I was sick all week then I think I was well for one week and sick for the previous two weeks. ANYWAY...I think my emotional state impacts how often I get sick. That is just my opinion, though.
Anyway--I feel you. Have you thought of doing an anniversary re-do after you get well? How about lighting a bunch of (unscented) candles and making the dreary weather into a romantic backdrop? Well--just an idea. Maybe a strip tease. Haha...sorry.
I bought a book today (though it can be easily argued that I should NOT buy books because I need the money for groceries this week) called Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. I've heard it's a classic. But the point is--I love reading self-help books of all sorts, and it gets me in a better frame of mind when things are dreary either situation-wise or weather-wise.
I think you are on to something when you mention being happy and making choices is what makes life better. That is where I am stuck, too! My husband told me, when I bemoaned not knowing what next step/s to take that I should just do something, get some momentum going. There is no such thing as an ideal next step. Even things that are sort of lame or seemingly unimportant can be really uplifting.
I am going to try to do the same! I am trying to shake sickness and malaise myself--so we can be in solidarity with this!
Lotsa hugs,
MM
We're planning to celebrate our anniversary when we're all feeling better. And a good book is a good idea too. The one I'm reading right now isn't doing the trick. I can always tell I'm not *that* into a book if it never leaves the bathroom. lol. If it's a good one, I lose track of where I left it last because it floats around the house with me, and I take it to bed with me before falling asleep.
DeleteI'm sorry you haven't been feeling well either. Hopefully we both recover quickly. I'll start writing about the little steps I take to perk up and cozy up my home for the dark, cold months. I do enjoy those kinds of activities.
I feel both of you, MM and Siddaleah! MM, I've heard good things about Shakti Gawain, but never read one of her books. I would so love it if you would post a book review on your blog when finish. Please oh pretty please! Siddaleah, you and I seem to be in the same place mentally right now. I, too, gained weight over the summer. I wonder what we could do to improve the situation. Do you have any cards with affirmations on them? I don't...but I wonder if there is some way we could post daily affirmations or something. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteI do have some affirmations somewhere. I'm afraid they turned out like so many other things, and I used the for a few days then blew them off. At one time I was drawing a daily tarot card and writing an affirmation to go with it. I liked doing that. Maybe I'll add a one to the bottom of each of my posts. The real power of them, from what I understand, is saying it regularly and for enough days that it creates a new rut (for lack of a better description) in your brain. I've never been very good at creating new habits this way, and that there, is an example of a negative thought that might be overcome through the use of affirmations. OR failing to do my daily affirmations could just be another thing for me to beat myself up over. Aye yi yi. lol
ReplyDeleteWell, I had an affirmation that I used for months given to me by a counselor (I was in counseling at the time) and we could always use it: 'The truth is, I am fine exactly as I am.'
ReplyDeleteThat is one powerful affirmation. Try it!