A Nudge

I've changed my weigh-in day to Friday, mostly because I'm down a little bit today and I wasn't all week.  Ha!  So, today I weigh 242.6 pounds, and now some observations about the month of February...

I only wrote three times the entire month.  I somehow lost that winning attitude I developed early in the year and fell back into some of my regular habits.  I'm not bothered by that, just observing patterns.  I lost 2.6 pounds for the month, which is a lot less than I expected or hoped to lose.  One of the old habits I picked up again was the one where I'm waiting to be thinner to be happy.  I forgot that I had accepted myself exactly the way I am, and that doing that felt great.  After losing 12 pounds I was so excited and I started doing the math in my head, telling myself that if I continued to lose weight at that rate I'd be feeling really good by Summer.  I forgot that I had decided to feel really good no matter what I weigh.

I mentioned that I was working on some other things, making pendants, brushing up on my Spanish, but since mentioning that I haven't made a single pendant or visited the app I was using to learn Spanish once.

I spent the entire month pretty distracted, or maybe I was trying to distract myself.  I ended a toxic friendship, and there has been a grieving process with that.  I've spent a lot of time second guessing my decision and reassuring myself that it was the right one at the same time.  While I was honest with my friend about my reasons for ending our friendship, she has decided to make up her own reasons and has been painting an ugly picture about the situation.  That's been frustrating, but  I'm at peace with it.  I expected it.  It fits the unhealthy pattern that led to my decision in the first place, and the people who matter, know who I am, and have been able to see through the smokescreen that was created to hide the truth.

Now I move forward.  It feels like I've been stuck this month, but I haven't.  I've leaned some lessons.  I know there is no "happy switch" that gets flipped forever and for all time.  It's more like a ball that gets rolling and sometimes it loses momentum and needs a nudge or sometimes a great big shove to get rolling again.  This time I think a nudge will do.

Album Cover - Keep the Ball Rolling, Bryn Haworth

Here and Happy

This is another week where I haven't really lost any weight, but it was a stressful week, and I'll admit that I did eat a few things that I knew would likely stall my progress.  That's okay!  These weeks will happen, and if this is going to be a permanent healthy change I need to allow for those kinds of weeks.  I'm feeling good, and I'm still loving myself no matter what shape I am, so the weight is really a secondary concern anyway.

So, because I love myself and accept myself unconditionally, I'm posting a progress picture, even though I'm only down a few pounds since I posted the last picture.

243.6 lbs

A Calm and Joy Filled Life

Just a quick update...

I didn't lose any weight last week, but I started my period and that always does weird things to my weight, so I'm not discouraged by it.

I had a stressful week.  Drama.  I'm pretty much over it now.

I've been on a thrilling journey of self-discovery over the last two weeks, no details because I'm still figuring it out, but here are two internet discoveries that will at least give you a hint:

An article: Why Self-improvement Makes You Neurotic.  I'm going to read more of what this woman has to say.

And these delightful little stories, which I find more effective than simple affirmations:  Queen of Your Own Life

There are so many that are resonating with me right now, but this is the one I'm owning this week.  I'm promising myself to trust my instincts from now on.

Goodbye Snake. Hello Horse! Happy New Year!

I had a CRAZY week last week in both good and bad ways.  I'm not worried about the bad anymore.  It's behind me.  The good?  Well, the Seahawks won the Superbowl, and we had so much fun watching that game and celebrating.  There were fireworks going off all around the neighborhood, my husband was jumping up and down like a little boy on Christmas morning, and after the game relatives called to talk and share the joy.  It's the first time the Seahawks have won the Superbowl, if that gives you any idea how exciting this was for everyone who is a fan.

I also had a couple of dinner dates last week and enjoyed catching up with some friends.  I feel like my old self again, and it's such a good thing.  Or maybe I'm even better than my old self, a stronger, wiser me.  The dormancy of the last two years has not been wasted time, all that ruminating and reflecting, shedding old thought patterns and toxic relationships has taught me a lot.

I'm still doing well with the lower carb eating.  My weight this week is 245.2 pounds and my waist is 39 inches.  That's 4.4 pounds and another inch lost which makes a total of 12.2 pounds and 4 inches from my waist in the last 3 weeks. 

In other news, I'm learning some new stuff, brushing up on my Spanish and pulling out my jewelry making supplies to start making some pendants and things.   I'm happy.

Ya Done Good

I've decided that Monday will be my official weigh-in day.  I thought about changing my weigh-ins to before the weekend, because I always seem to undo a little of my work over the weekend, and this weekend is no exception, but, if this is going to work, I have to figure out how to live life with it's ups and downs and still eat happily. 

Anyway, today I weigh 249.6 which is 1.8 pounds less than last Monday.  My waist is 40 inches now, which is a full inch less than last week.  I'm disappointed with this result, and it occurs to me that this is crazy.  For months I've been gaining weight and getting bigger until I decided to love and accept myself exactly as I am.  Then the weight starts coming off and immediately I'm back to telling myself it's not good enough?  Crazy! 

This is my official reminder that being disappointed in myself for not doing a better job is no different from hating myself for gaining the weight in the first place.  I am lovely and loveable  exactly as I am.  I was lovely and loveable two weeks ago, and I will continue to be lovely and loveable no matter what I weigh. 

1.8 pounds in a week is actually a nice loss, especially considering the fact that it was not hard.  I am not starving myself.  I'm not denying myself any of the foods I love.  Okay, we did go to our favorite Mexican restaurant, and I did deny myself a margarita and had water instead, but I was proud of myself for making that choice, and after the meal was over, I didn't miss the margarita.

Ya done good Hasselhoff.  Ya done good.

My Smoothie Secret

I'm always trying to get fish oil in my diet, but I hate the way it tastes.  I usually take it in capsule form, but there is that whole business of repeating that takes place with them.  Fish oil burps are really gross.  I've tried freezing the capsules because someone told me that keeps that from happening, but it doesn't work.

Anyway, I've found a delicious way to take fish oil.  Barlean's Omega Swirl comes in a bunch of flavors, but I have the lemon twist and you can literally take a teaspoon right out of the bottle and eat it without tasting even a hint of fish.  I sound like an advertisement, but I was really surprised by this find, and now I drink a smoothie every day with it. 

I use ice, a handful of spinach, a couple of teaspoons of the lemon twist, chia seeds, almond milk, and a scoop of protein powder. (I use Jay Robb Whey Protein.  It's made with stevia so no sugars.)  With the vanilla protein powder it tastes like a lemon cream pie! 

This small size is my snack size.  Sometimes I have it for breakfast and then I make about twice as much.  (I still use the same amount of fish oil, though.)  Yesterday I made the big smoothie for lunch, but I accidentally used half and half instead of almond milk.  Yikes!  That was a 700 calorie smoothie!  It was super tasty, though.  I didn't even realize what I'd done until I had finished it.  I won't make that mistake again.

Articles about the benefits of Fish Oil:

• 9 Health Benefits of Fish Oil
• Pop This Supplement to Stay Young 
• Fish Oil Benefits?

My Clothes Are Getting Bigger

I am feeling great!  I just wanted to put that out there.  I'll elaborate.

I just finished my Intro to Yoga series, and it was really good for me.  There were physical benefits, but the emotional and mental benefits might eclipse the physical ones.  The teacher of the class was great, and I learned even more to accept the body that I have right now.  She really emphasized not comparing ourselves to others and how different and wonderful all of our bodies are.  It was also really important for me to step out of my comfort zone and learn something new.  I used to do that all the time, but somehow forgot I was that kind of woman.

I'm going to take another intro series because my daughter wants to take it too, and she wanted someone to go with her.  I'm thrilled that she'll be joining me.  The class doesn't start until the 5th of next month, so I'm thinking of catching a couple of the regular gentle classes next week.

This is week two of my new eating plan, and I love it!  I've discovered new recipes, and I've discovered I need a lot less bread and pasta to be happy than I thought I needed.  I'm still losing weight, although not as quickly as I did in week one.  My husband is also losing weight, and it's really nice to have someone in the house who is eating the same meals as I am.  Last night we had jalapeño bites.  The jalapeños are stuffed with cream cheese, feta or goat cheese, parmesan cheese, tomatoes and cilantro.  I used salsa because I didn't have tomatoes and cilantro on hand.  Then you wrap them in bacon and bake at 375 degrees for about 25 minutes.

In other news, today before going out shopping when I got dressed I noticed the shirt I put on felt a lot bigger on me than it had the last time I wore it.  That was a nice surprise!  It was the same shirt I wore for a picture I posted a few months ago, so I made a side by side comparison.  Now, I haven't lost a lot of weight, but I think most of what I have lost has been around the middle, so you can definitely see the difference, or at least, I can.  I can feel the difference too, and that is a nice feeling.

August 2013                                                                               February 2014

You can't see my waistline in the second picture because the shirt hangs down and hides it instead of hugging my hips like in the first, but it's in there!