I finally got around to trying sun salutations today. I just found a quick little video on Youtube and gave it a go. I felt a bit like a beached whale trying to move from pose to pose, but it is my goal to memorize and practice these few poses each morning until I master them.
Also, I had a moment of bravery today and hopped on the scale. Ack! I weigh 5 pounds more than my all time high, but it's 5 or 10 pounds less than I had feared, so overall it's good news for me today. I'm glad I finally faced that monster (the number on the scale) that has been lurking and keeping me scared.
I'm trying really hard not to hate myself for gaining back all of the weight, plus 5 pounds more, that I had previously lost. Water under the bridge, right? No use crying over spilled milk, and all that rot, yeah? Yeah! Okay, 30 second pity party over.
In honor of my new goal and having a number to measure my progress I'm posting a new "before" picture:
Well done! It feels sort of liberating to put it all out there doesn't it? :)
ReplyDeleteSort of. And at the same time It makes me feel really vulnerable. I like to project the image of a woman who is smart and in control. I have many accomplishments that I can be proud of, and yet, the fact that I weigh over 250 lbs seems to undo everything good about me. I know that is a mindset, and I need to work on it, but at the same time, there is a large portion of society that views women like me as "less than" or "not good enough" and it's hard not to buy into that. On the internet I can show my smart, strong and creative self without sullying it by sharing my weight, and now I've undone that. I've lost my disguise. :-)
DeleteIt feels like that that horrifying dream so many of us have where we show up at school without our pants on. lol
Well you me and Kerry at Healthy Wholeness have all done it, so we're all in our undies together then. That makes it an impromptu swim party. :) You feel vulnerable to show you're 250, I feel vulnerable being photographed without my padded bra. So we all have issues. I feel as revealed as you. It's good for us!
DeleteTo us! :-)
DeleteI really admire you for doing this. It's better to do this for yourself than to have some relative take photos of you and post them. I think it's a beautiful thing to do--probably because it's so vulnerable.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs,
MM
You made me cry a little this morning by linking vulnerability with beauty. :')
DeleteAww. Hugs! Have you ever watched Brene Brown's Ted Talk about vulnerability? If not you should!
Deletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
:)
Hugs,
MM
Actually, I have, but it's worth watching again.
DeleteCongratulations for doing your first sun salutes! When I first started doing yoga, I had this amazingly strong and flexible teacher, and thought, I'll never be able to do any of that. Then, I did a much milder practice for several years, just basic stuff, but regularly. I went back to a teacher of the same style about 8 years on, and she gave us some instructions that I followed, and suddenly realised that I was in one of the poses which had so flabbergasted me years before :) It's a practice that really rewards effort, even if it's just a little at a time. My DH couldn't even reach his knees bending forward when he started, and now he touches the floor with his fingertips!
ReplyDeleteWell, this is encouraging! I've been hoping that mastering these few poses would strengthen me enough to move onto other poses without feeling so awkward and clumsy. It's already better today than it was the first day, which is really cool. I can reach my knees bending over, but that's just about it. lol
DeleteBaby steps :) Even 5 or 10 minutes a day will make a difference!
Delete