Friday, February 28, 2014

A Nudge

I've changed my weigh-in day to Friday, mostly because I'm down a little bit today and I wasn't all week.  Ha!  So, today I weigh 242.6 pounds, and now some observations about the month of February...

I only wrote three times the entire month.  I somehow lost that winning attitude I developed early in the year and fell back into some of my regular habits.  I'm not bothered by that, just observing patterns.  I lost 2.6 pounds for the month, which is a lot less than I expected or hoped to lose.  One of the old habits I picked up again was the one where I'm waiting to be thinner to be happy.  I forgot that I had accepted myself exactly the way I am, and that doing that felt great.  After losing 12 pounds I was so excited and I started doing the math in my head, telling myself that if I continued to lose weight at that rate I'd be feeling really good by Summer.  I forgot that I had decided to feel really good no matter what I weigh.

I mentioned that I was working on some other things, making pendants, brushing up on my Spanish, but since mentioning that I haven't made a single pendant or visited the app I was using to learn Spanish once.

I spent the entire month pretty distracted, or maybe I was trying to distract myself.  I ended a toxic friendship, and there has been a grieving process with that.  I've spent a lot of time second guessing my decision and reassuring myself that it was the right one at the same time.  While I was honest with my friend about my reasons for ending our friendship, she has decided to make up her own reasons and has been painting an ugly picture about the situation.  That's been frustrating, but  I'm at peace with it.  I expected it.  It fits the unhealthy pattern that led to my decision in the first place, and the people who matter, know who I am, and have been able to see through the smokescreen that was created to hide the truth.

Now I move forward.  It feels like I've been stuck this month, but I haven't.  I've leaned some lessons.  I know there is no "happy switch" that gets flipped forever and for all time.  It's more like a ball that gets rolling and sometimes it loses momentum and needs a nudge or sometimes a great big shove to get rolling again.  This time I think a nudge will do.

Album Cover - Keep the Ball Rolling, Bryn Haworth

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Here and Happy

This is another week where I haven't really lost any weight, but it was a stressful week, and I'll admit that I did eat a few things that I knew would likely stall my progress.  That's okay!  These weeks will happen, and if this is going to be a permanent healthy change I need to allow for those kinds of weeks.  I'm feeling good, and I'm still loving myself no matter what shape I am, so the weight is really a secondary concern anyway.

So, because I love myself and accept myself unconditionally, I'm posting a progress picture, even though I'm only down a few pounds since I posted the last picture.

243.6 lbs

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

A Calm and Joy Filled Life

Just a quick update...

I didn't lose any weight last week, but I started my period and that always does weird things to my weight, so I'm not discouraged by it.

I had a stressful week.  Drama.  I'm pretty much over it now.

I've been on a thrilling journey of self-discovery over the last two weeks, no details because I'm still figuring it out, but here are two internet discoveries that will at least give you a hint:

An article: Why Self-improvement Makes You Neurotic.  I'm going to read more of what this woman has to say.

And these delightful little stories, which I find more effective than simple affirmations:  Queen of Your Own Life

There are so many that are resonating with me right now, but this is the one I'm owning this week.  I'm promising myself to trust my instincts from now on.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Goodbye Snake. Hello Horse! Happy New Year!

I had a CRAZY week last week in both good and bad ways.  I'm not worried about the bad anymore.  It's behind me.  The good?  Well, the Seahawks won the Superbowl, and we had so much fun watching that game and celebrating.  There were fireworks going off all around the neighborhood, my husband was jumping up and down like a little boy on Christmas morning, and after the game relatives called to talk and share the joy.  It's the first time the Seahawks have won the Superbowl, if that gives you any idea how exciting this was for everyone who is a fan.

I also had a couple of dinner dates last week and enjoyed catching up with some friends.  I feel like my old self again, and it's such a good thing.  Or maybe I'm even better than my old self, a stronger, wiser me.  The dormancy of the last two years has not been wasted time, all that ruminating and reflecting, shedding old thought patterns and toxic relationships has taught me a lot.

I'm still doing well with the lower carb eating.  My weight this week is 245.2 pounds and my waist is 39 inches.  That's 4.4 pounds and another inch lost which makes a total of 12.2 pounds and 4 inches from my waist in the last 3 weeks. 

In other news, I'm learning some new stuff, brushing up on my Spanish and pulling out my jewelry making supplies to start making some pendants and things.   I'm happy.