September is usually my favorite month of the year. I can always count on sunshine, crisp and cool mornings, and a feeling of renewed motivation. This September has been a disappointment. It has been gray and rainy, and yesterday was my wedding anniversary, but I spent it sick. I'm still sick, and there is more gloomy weather to come.
I gained weight this Summer instead of losing it. Now what can I expect for the dark days of Fall and Winter? More weight gain?
But see? This is the type of thinking that I'm working to change. Beating myself up for not doing what I should be doing is my norm, and it's not working. Trying to make better choices so that I can be happier is not working. What if I decided to just be happier regardless of the choices I'm making? I wonder if being happier would lead to better choices and not the other way around. I know it would, so I'm going to resist beating myself up and go back to accepting and loving myself, knowing I can be happy right now.
I'm also going to let myself rest and recover from this illness and shake this feeling that the house is falling down around me because I don't have the energy to get it cleaned up. I'm going to spend the next 30 seconds grieving for the loss of my favorite month, (lost because I thought I needed the sunshine to allow myself to be happy in it, not because it was gray) and look forward to the days to come because I'm going to be happy in them no matter what it looks like outside and no matter how tired and achy I feel.