Yesterday I wore my new pair of jeans and a cute top to the grocery store. I felt so good being out in something other than sweat pants that make me look super frumpy that I stopped to buy another pair of jeans and another cute top on my way to the grocery store.
I've broken the can't -buy-a-bigger-size barrier, and I'm already feeling so much better about myself. I'm going to get rid of all of those ugly, frumpy clothes in my drawers; the ones that make me look like I've given up, which I had. I'm also going to get rid of all the clothes that are too small. That will be a little harder because I still hope to wear those sizes, but buying something fun and cute in a new smaller size will be a joy I can look forward to in the future, and in the meantime, I can bless someone by giving them something I can't use right now anyway.
The next barrier I intend to break is the can't-stand-to-be-seen-by-people-who-knew-me-when-I-was-thinner barrier. (That's a long-ass barrier.) I've been avoiding one of my favorite hangouts and one of my favorite hobbies (karaoke, baby!) because I don't want to face people whispering behind my back about how much weight I've gained. I've seen my best and closest friends, but there are those friends and associates that I haven't seen (and who haven't seen me) that I haven't wanted to face.
I was feeling so good yesterday that I almost went out. I didn't because my hair needs dyeing, and I didn't feel like messing with that. What is notable is that the reason I didn't go out last night didn't have anything to do with fat or fear or self-loathing.
That wedding I've been dreading is in two weeks. Two months ago I told myself it would be okay because I still had time to lose some weight and feel better about myself. I haven't lost a single pound since then, but I feel better about myself anyway, and I'm no longer dreading going to the wedding. I'm going to get my hair trimmed, dyed and highlighted. I'm gonna get pedicure, throw on some jewelry and a smile and have a good time.
I love this. You are DEFINITELY making progress. I'm really happy to hear this. Keep your eyes on the prize (the prize being self worth and happiness) and I look forward to hearing more updates!!
ReplyDeleteLove,
MM
Thanks, MM!
DeleteYou rule!!! I am so pleased for you. You are inspiring me, too, to break the size barrier and to finish ditching my size 10 collection (including my raggedy ancient underpants) and get all new stuff. I still intend to take photos of my closet and underwear drawer--are you still up for a competition? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still in! I'm rethinking the pictures I was going to take. My closet has a lot of other junk in it that I need to purge like boxes of paperwork and some of my lampworking tools etc. When I was thinking of taking before and after pictures I could feel my perfectionism kicking in, making the purging of clothes project into a whole BIG THANG. So, in the interest of moving forward, I think I'll just take a picture of the pile of clothes I'm getting rid of and not my hoard, er, I mean, closet. ;-)
DeleteI did a clothes swap with a group of other women and there were only one or two other folks there that were my size but it was fun!!! We also set out books and shoes and accessories.. Then the rest was donated to charity. Hug!
DeleteWhat a nice idea!
DeleteWow, what great progress, Siddaleah! It's really heartening to read how you are feeling better about yourself, and treating yourself to some nice clothes. Good luck with the wedding!
ReplyDelete