Yesterday I wore my new pair of jeans and a cute top to the grocery store. I felt so good being out in something other than sweat pants that make me look super frumpy that I stopped to buy another pair of jeans and another cute top on my way to the grocery store.
I've broken the can't -buy-a-bigger-size barrier, and I'm already feeling so much better about myself. I'm going to get rid of all of those ugly, frumpy clothes in my drawers; the ones that make me look like I've given up, which I had. I'm also going to get rid of all the clothes that are too small. That will be a little harder because I still hope to wear those sizes, but buying something fun and cute in a new smaller size will be a joy I can look forward to in the future, and in the meantime, I can bless someone by giving them something I can't use right now anyway.
The next barrier I intend to break is the can't-stand-to-be-seen-by-people-who-knew-me-when-I-was-thinner barrier. (That's a long-ass barrier.) I've been avoiding one of my favorite hangouts and one of my favorite hobbies (karaoke, baby!) because I don't want to face people whispering behind my back about how much weight I've gained. I've seen my best and closest friends, but there are those friends and associates that I haven't seen (and who haven't seen me) that I haven't wanted to face.
I was feeling so good yesterday that I almost went out. I didn't because my hair needs dyeing, and I didn't feel like messing with that. What is notable is that the reason I didn't go out last night didn't have anything to do with fat or fear or self-loathing.
That wedding I've been dreading is in two weeks. Two months ago I told myself it would be okay because I still had time to lose some weight and feel better about myself. I haven't lost a single pound since then, but I feel better about myself anyway, and I'm no longer dreading going to the wedding. I'm going to get my hair trimmed, dyed and highlighted. I'm gonna get pedicure, throw on some jewelry and a smile and have a good time.