Feeling empowered after a nice tarot reading last night, I got dressed this morning and made a healthy smoothie for breakfast. After breakfast my oldest daughter and I took a walk.
I have a standing, monthly lunch date with my mom, mother-in-law, and a few other relatives. We met last Friday and my husband's cousin's wife came for the first time with her daughter. I'll call her, "Lucy." When I heard Lucy was going to be there I almost stayed home because a few months ago she made a comment about my weight, and I've been avoiding her ever since then.
I decided, though, that part of loving and accepting myself is not caring about what people think of me and not letting their thoughtlessness be a reason to imprison myself, so I went to lunch. I was gracious and kind despite the fact that Lucy made a point of talking about nutrition and the small size of her portions as if she were "helping" me by being an example of discipline and righteous eating.
I would, however, love to be thinner next time we all get together because I feel so vulnerable at this weight, and Lucy let us know that she'll be attending future lunch dates.
I suppose seeing Lucy is why I have been thinking a lot about my weight again, and I why I, for the hundredth time, asked the tarot cards if I could expect success in losing some this time around, but I don't want to lose weight to impress Lucy and people like her. I want to feel my power and strength in the face of critics like Lucy no matter what I weigh, and I had the perfect opportunity to start practicing during my lunch date. Maybe that is where this new empowered feeling is coming from.
That's fabulous, Siddaleah! It took a lot of courage to go to that lunch date, and it shows how much progress you've made that you managed it, and that you could still be aware that loving yourself is far more important than the comments someone else makes :)
ReplyDeleteIt would be a lot easier to face certain people if I could just be thin again. Being overweight is like wearing your vulnerability right where everyone can see it and poke it. I was much better at pretending I was strong when I was thin. BUT maybe the point for me is to be strong as well as vulnerable. Or maybe to find strength I didn't know I have. Thanks, Kerry, for checking in and offering your support. :-)
DeleteBeing both strong and vulnerable sounds like a tough but powerful goal. Good luck :)
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